Monday, 22 June 2009

Trappatoni meets Ireland at Oasis gig

Well folks, I was at Slane Castle at the weekend for the Oasis gig. Noticed Manchester City and Republic of Ireland bad-boy Stephen Ireland blagged a few free-bies off the Gallaghers! Couldn't help but imagine Republic boss Trappatoni lurking in the bushes keeping watch over his prized asset that has yet to grace his team.

Here's part of the conversation between the pair I managed to overhear at Slane after the Trap came out from stalking the Cobh clown...

... How'ya Gio "whats the story mornin' glory"

The Trap (who has been "all around the world" in football management) had a "masterplan" as he tried pleading with Stephen Ireland to "let there be love" but the "boy with the blues" snapped back "oi trappers, stop crying your heart out!"
"Where did it all go wrong?" says the trap who looks like he could "live forever" the way hes going.

Please Stephen just "stand by me".

Ireland responded, "Some might say" i don't deserve to come back after the way i've treated my country. But "Tomorrow never knows"......
"d'ya know what i mean" Trap?***
***may not have taken place

Tuesday, 9 June 2009

Cantona follows the seagulls to Dublin

Yours truly got to meet footballer turned moviestar Eric Cantona on Tuesday night for the Irish Premiere of his latest film 'Looking For Eric'. This was the very hairy Frenchman's first appearance in Ireland since 1995 when he was over with to see a young Manchester United side play a charity match against an International Select side at Windsor Park in Belfast (and my Dad got the plane back to Manchester with him, but that's a story for another day!).

King Cantona was late arriving to the Smithfield venue in Dublin, but that's typical Eric - leaving it late as usual. 6:30pm we were told... and true to form approximately 45 minutes later Eric makes his much anticipated arrival. It took me back to a winter's night at St James' Park in 1996 with United all but surrendering the title to Newcastle, then up popped Cantona late on to fire the Red Devils to yet another league success. He was good at that.

But tonight was all about Eric's fancy footwork on the red carpet, not the green grass of the football pitch. His red shirt of United was swapped for an all-grey attire this time - however, you have to wonder had he not learnt his lesson after the 'Grey-kit fiasco' United were embroiled in during the 90's! Never-the-less, suited and booted (Nike, by the way) the King had made his entrance much to the delight of the hundreds of jubilant fans who had turned out in force - many of whom were children who were probably wondering what the whole fuss was about. I knew what is was about, it was about a United legend. One of the greatest at that.

Even Roy Keane agreed, "Collar turned up, back straight, chest stuck out, he glided into the arena as if he owned the f**king place. Any arena, but nowhere more effectively than Old Trafford. This was his stage. He loved it, the crowd loved him. The players loved him too, for many reasons. Most importantly he got the job done."

My one regret was not getting a picture with the man himself. Autographs just don't seem as special as they did back in the day. But hey, who's complaining - I'm just delighted he graced my piece of paper with my pen!

A man of few words. A man of great phrases. Eric had it all. Who could forget... "When the seagulls follow the trawler, it's because they think sardines will be thrown in to the sea".

We knew what you meant Eric. We'll raise one of those sardines in memory of what you contributed to the world of football... and we'll throw it into the sea as a toast to your arrival on the film scene. Good luck to you, our Crazy Kung-Fu King.


Monday, 8 June 2009

2008/09 season: A footballing review

Team of the Year - FC Barcelona. Their performance against Man Utd in the Champions League Final was phenomenal. Fully deserved to be crowned Champions of Europe, Champions of Spain and King's Cup winners. The Glorious Treble achieved.

Manager of the Year - Josep Guardiola of Barcelona. Phil Brown of Hull would have been in contention if it wasn't for a total collapse after Christmas which almost seen them relegated.

Biggest over-achievers - Liverpool. What's the name of that famous old ship that hasn't sailed into Merseyside?? The Premier-ship??

Biggest under-achievers - Newcastle United. Dreadful. Shockingly poor season. Big players, underperformed. Duff, Owen, Viduka & Martins. Big name players, but were always gracing the physio's room more often than the Newcastle pitch!

The Kevin Keegan Award for Sore Losers - Rafa Benitez. And that's a FACT.

Most hated player - Didier Drogba.

Most over-used phrase - "... and here come the World champions Manchester United". Commentators didn't half milk United's 3 match success in a mediocre competition against poor continental teams. It's just not the Champions League (a European competition which perhaps somewhat ironically, United did not win).

Most under-used phrase - "Premier League champions Liverpool". Will we ever hear this? Not as long as they keep that fat Spanish waiter in charge. Long live Manuel.

TV personality of the year - Adrian "I have more jobs than a Labour MP" Chiles.

Worst TV pundit of the year - Martin "Norvern Eyeland have no chance of qualifying" Keown

Worst TV pundit of the century - Mark "I slag the N.Ireland side at every opportunity even though I was born in Preston, work for the BBC, and have Irish grandparents" Lawrenson

Funniest moment of the season - Newcastle hiring & sacking 'King Kev', Joe "You F****** C*** journalist f****** a********" Kinnear, then when all else fails appoint Alan 'The Messiah' Shearer to guide your team to the Championship. This is a man who's CV includes sitting next to Alan Hansen and Mark Lawrenson (noted above) and talking a load of balls.

Biggest surprise of the season - Newcastle's demise, Hull City's rise, Rafa's lies, the Scousers' cries. Please, please, dry your eyes!!

Funniest chant of the season - "We're gonna deep-fry your criossants, deep-fry your criossants..........." (Scotland fans to France during a European Qualifier at Hampden Park).

Fattest wallet in the world - Apart from Bertie Ahern, Manchester City (cue the celebration parties at Eastlands

Biggest disgrace if you're a Linfield supporter - Getting paid by the IFA yearly only to watch on across the city as your arch rivals Glentoran take 'your' League crown!
Biggest sulk of the season - Roy Keane.

Biggest waste of money - Robbie Keane. London Victoria to Liverpool Lime Street on one of the most expensive return train tickets you'll see.

Oldest manager of the season - Giovanni "everyone's favourite Grandad" Trappatoni.

Next season's EPL champions - Chelsea. Hiddink will be forgotten.

Next season's Champions League winners - Inter Milan. Mourinho craves 'old big ears' success again. Porto seems like a long time ago now.

Team to brake the big four in England - Manchester City. At the expense of Arsenal?

Teams to be relegated - Stoke City, Burnley & Portsmouth.

Next season's FA Cup winners - Arsenal or Everton.

Next season's Carling Cup winners - Liverpool. FACT.

Next season's shock transfer - Carlos Tevez to Man City / Samuel Eto'o to Man United.

... you heard it here first folks!!